I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
