Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
