Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
