I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
