i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
