Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
