I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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