nut hugger
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
