I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
