Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're like the curious george of whores
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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