Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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