He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
