Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
