Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
