He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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