GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
