She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
