Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
