i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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