After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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