He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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