stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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