70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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