he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
