i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
