Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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