we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
