I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
