i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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