we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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