I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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