why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
