So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
