If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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