Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
