Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But break dance skills will only take you so far
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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