Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
