If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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