Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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