I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
