You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
