he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
