the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
