I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
