Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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