So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mom said you looked used
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
