Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
