Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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