i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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