i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
