you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
