dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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