Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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