So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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