just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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