the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
